Asheville, NC is a quirky, seductive little place. The gorgeous scenery, the nationally-renowned restaurants, the breweries outnumbering black people 2:1, it’s a dream come true for the Southeast’s hottest and hippest. But when the illusion starts to slip, and your sense of superficiality and alienation in a genetically modified City of Cool skyrockets to 11, here are some proven tips to spare you from drowning yourself in the French Broad.
Try a hip new restaurant. The pretentious and underwhelming cocktails will cost $13 and take literally 17 minutes to arrive, the “market veggie” appetizer will be little more than a plate of unwashed broccoli stems, and your stomach will churn with contempt for the hordes of middle aged white people around you who left their table manners in Florida, green gluten-free soup dripping from their horrible, thin-lipped mouths like blood.